World peace is an inside job
Self-love: why it matters more than you might think
How did I get to a place of self-love?
That voice inside my head…
It has taken me a very long time to come to a place of peace within my heart. Even when others would tell me how much they loved and appreciated me, there was this little voice in my head that would say “Yah but…” and come up with some reason why I should not believe what I was hearing. I began to call her Yahbutt, with two t’s because she was a pain in my keister.
They probably want something from you, she would whisper.
They probably just feel sorry for you, she would taunt.
They wouldn’t feel that way if they knew such and such about you, she would snarl.
Yahbutt was not very nice to me and she was me, wasn’t she?
I have read a lot of self-help books, attended many classes, and spent hours studying people who I admire; people who seem to have their self-esteem in good order. I have learned things along the way and since February is the month of love, I thought it would be a good time to share these learnings with you.
How to accept a compliment…
If you are like the previous version of me, accepting a compliment is not an easy thing to do, and if you are Canadian, it might be darn near impossible. I cannot speak for other nationalities but man, we Canucks are a tough lot to praise.
When I was in my late twenties, I met a lady named Judith Hay. She is an amazing, beautiful soul who I went to for massage therapy. She would say nice things to me and my Yahbutt would reply. Almost from the start, she would chastise me:
When someone gives you a compliment, smile sweetly, say thank-you, and then stop talking.
Whew! That was a tough one. My habit was to brush off the compliment and usually follow up with a self-deprecating response. “Oh, this shirt? I should probably stop wearing it, look closely, there is a hole under the right arm. I’m such a slob.” This type of nonsense would be my immediate response.
As I saw Judith routinely, she had plenty of opportunities to hammer this point home and when you are in the vulnerable position of being laid out on a massage table, with someone who has powerful hands, you want to be sure to listen. Ha!
She further explained to me that when I rebuff a compliment, what I am really doing is insulting the speaker. If they like my shirt, and I tell them it is old and out of style, what I am actually saying is that they have poor taste! They like things that are old and out of style. All they were trying to do was be nice and I basically insulted them in return. Ugh!
She gave me this homework and would test me on my return visits. IT WAS NOT EASY!
I started to pay attention to the people whose confidence I admired and I noticed that they were good at accepting compliments. They would smile and say thank-you, sometimes, returning a compliment and sometimes not. Wow, it was powerful to watch.
Further adding to my education, Judith taught me that by accepting the compliment, I was filling my heart with love. I was letting the good words, thoughts, and feelings of another expand my self-esteem. I kept trying. It got easier and I began to feel the benefit of her wisdom in practice.
After it became a habit for me, I was a convert! I started to teach everyone else in my life to do the same. If you worked in close proximity to me, you were going to learn to take a compliment, dammit!
I knew what I was doing was having an effect when I started dating my husband. We had worked together for about four years before we started seeing one another outside of work. After a short while, I noted how amazing he was at accepting compliments. It was refreshing; making me admire him even more. One day, I mentioned it. He laughed and said, well, you drilled it into me! HA! By this time, it was such a habit for me, that I hadn’t even known I taught him that.
Paying attention to how we speak to ourselves, aka tame the Yahbutt…
While in the corporate world, I took a course in the late 90’s, through The Pacific Institute. This company was started by Lou Tice who was an amazing author and coach. He was the author of a book called Smart Talk which focused on how we speak to ourselves.
One of the assignments was to pay attention to how we speak to ourselves. Today, in 2025, there are many self-help videos, books, courses, and more on this topic. Back then, it was new to me. We were asked to keep a list of the number of times we spoke to ourselves unkindly. The results were shocking.
The next step was to consider how we would react if someone were to speak to our spouse, child, or best friend that way; what would we do? I would definitely go after them with big Mama Bear energy!
I have been editing my inner voice since that time and the Yahbutt is pretty quiet these days. The way I handled her was not always pretty. I used to call her my inner bitch and tell her to shut up until one day, I realized that she was just a small, scared part of me who was trying to keep me safe, by trying to keep me small. If you don’t stand out, you will not get slapped down.
Now, when she starts to voice her concerns, I acknowledge her and tell her that we have this, and yes, we might fail, but what if we don’t? The rewards for succeeding, for trying, for getting to the next level are worth way more than the risk of failure. What is failure anyway, but a chance to learn from the experience?
My Yahbutt and I are on good terms now.
Loving you, is easy cuz you’re beautiful… lalalalalala…
Made you sing it, didn’t I? If not, well, you are likely younger than me. Go listen to it here. It’s super sweet. 😉
In all serious though, why wouldn’t you love yourself? Oh, I know, there are a plethora of reasons in the media to not love ourselves exactly as we are; the size of our jeans, hair colour, age, and lots of hogwash! All of this is designed to keep you buying the stuff that will magically transform you into someone worth loving.
What if you could just love yourself as you are? They say that there is something wrong with you. I have another song in mind to answer that. NSFW… but listen here; Sofi Tukker has some good points here.
My greatest wish for you is that you Love Yourself.
Accept yourself, as you are today. Right here, right now. Not ten pounds lighter, not ten thousand dollars richer, right flat out now. As is, no warranties, or discounts applied.
JUST LOVE YOU.
~~Patricia Meier
Why is it so important to love yourself? Isn’t that narcissistic?
No! Loving yourself is not narcissism. It is honouring the Creator.
The reason my business is called Sparks of Healing is that I believe we are all sparks of the divine. We are all aspects of one Creator sent here to experience Earth as spiritual beings having human experiences. By honouring yourself, you honour that greater power which gave you this life.
Mother Earth offered up these vessels. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Our bodies are aspects of her and her rivers run through us giving us life. Honour yourself as the miracle of life that you are.
How do I do that, Patricia? Start with self-acceptance. We are human and we have free will, sometimes, we will not make the best choices, but that’s okay. That’s how we learn. Sometimes we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and do not have the patience we wish we had, forgive yourself, and do better next time. We all make mistakes.
One of the best teaching moments happened to me when my oldest son was about four years old. I dropped a nearly full milk jug on the floor and instantly started berating myself out loud. My son, Lucas, pipes up and says: “It’s okay Mommy, everybody makes mistakes.” Out of the mouths of babes. I realized I was doing a great job being patient with his mistakes, and I could be more lenient with myself.
Self-forgiveness is the key to peace inside and a huge step on the journey to self-love. I will write more about this another day.
When we practice self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion, we fill our hearts with love. When our heart is filled with self-love, we are not desperate to have validation from outside sources, we are unwilling to compromise our values, or prostrate ourselves in front of someone we see as more powerful to gain their approval.
Approve of you, fill your heart with love to the point of overflowing. A heart so full of love cannot help but overflow and infect everyone in its vicinity. What better thing to have go viral? Love.
When I learned to love yourself, warts and all, I could see more clearly all the ways I compromised in life in the hopes of gaining love from others, some who were not able or willing to give me what I needed. The black hole in my heart could not be filled.
How does this relate to world peace?
Imagine if everyone in the world had enough love. Imagine if everyone in the world understood that we are all sparks of the Divine, all connected by light and love.
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
Matthew 25:40-45
If everyone in the world loved themselves, we would not be seeking fulfillment outside ourselves.
If everyone in the world understood that we are all connected, every human, every creature, every grain of sand, we would treat the world much differently.
It all starts with you. Love is an inside job. Peace on the outside starts on the inside.
My wish for you is that you learn to love yourself. I believe we have walked the world as LOVE in the past and we can do it again. It all starts with you.
Thank you for spending some of your precious moments with me. I would love to hear your thoughts. Did these words stir up anything inside of you? Resistance, awareness, hope? My Weird and Wonderful Life offerings are free; you can reward me with a comment to let me know if my words helped you in even the smallest way.
