What life did your parents want for you? What life did you want for yourself? What life are you living? Are you happy with your choices?

Perspective from a Gen X parent of four...

My three sons when they were much younger.

Charlie Brown

of Simple and Straightforward and I are doing a little collaboration this month. She wrote a fantastic article about simplifying your life which you can find here, about the same time I saw a TikTok with these questions in it. I sent her the questions and then we decided to answer them from each perspective. Here is her take on them.

Charlie and I are at different stages in life, so I thought I would write my response to the questions from the point of view of what my parents wanted for me, versus what I want for my three sons.

What stage are you at? What is your take on the questions about what your parents wanted for you? Are you living that life? What expectations do you have of your children? We would love to hear your stories.

What life did your parents want for you?

When I was a young girl, I am not sure that my parents had any specific path laid out for me but the societal expectation was to get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids…. poof you are living the happily-ever-after dream.

I have three sons now who are 27, 28, and 30. My deepest desire for them is that they are happy, truly, that is all. My middle son is married now and as a couple they informed me they would not be having kids and I am perfectly fine with that.

One of my favourite adages is to say “I don’t like to should on anyone”, and I try very hard to stand by that. I don’t tell my sons what they should do, not that they would listen anyhow… I ask them questions to see if they have considered all the possibilities and choices. I encourage their dreams without forcing mine onto them.

What life did you want for yourself?

I wanted a partner who was my equal, my friend, and someone who had my back. I wanted to raise children together, with love, and to spend time with them.

I wanted a fulfilling career, a comfortable home, and love.

I did all the things that society said would make me happy and successful. I went to university and decided I didn’t care for it. I took what was to be a year off and found a job; which led to a career, which led to having my own money and I never went back to school. I got married at 23 because I thought I should and I thought there was some type of expiry date on my uterus.

I had three sons by the time I was 30, and then got a better job, one that opened up many more possibilities for me. I thought I was set. At age 35, I got pregnant again, this time with a little girl. My marriage was not great and I believed all marriages were like that. Those perfect unions where nobody fought and they still liked each other were just in the movies, weren’t they?

When my daughter passed away at age five from a brain tumour, I reassessed life from every angle. I admitted to myself that I was not happy and had not been fulfilled for a very long time. I got divorced at age 45, after 22 years of marriage.

What life are you living?

The life I live today is very different. I remarried to a man who is my soul mate. We do not fight, nor do we push each other’s buttons. We discuss things rationally. We are friends and equals.

This is the life I want for my kids, not the married part, that is entirely up to them. I want them to be free to be themselves, to live life with passion, and to find jobs that reward them with more than just a pay cheque.

I am now working for myself as a hypnotherapist, energy healer, and writer. I love this life.

I pride myself on the fact that I do not put pressure on my boys to be anything they are not. We do not even hold traditional holiday practices. With so many divorces and blended families, it is impossible for them to spend every Christmas day with me. I try to make their lives easier by having not-Christmas, not-Easter, etc. I choose alternative dates for our get-togethers and serve brunch instead of the usual big, complicated meals.

I do not want them to associate me with the word obligation, nor do I want them to think that anything about their life choices would result in a disappointment for me.

Are you happy with your choices?

I agree with Charlie, I do not pursue happiness. I seek peace.

My life has all the comfort and security I wish for. Our relationship is a balance of togetherness and separate interests; a beautiful blend which means we have more to talk about and share from the time spent doing our own things.

My work is heart centered and fulfilling As a hypnotist, I say I am the hypnotic tour guide who takes people to the places they need to go to do the work they need to do. Seeing people freed from the habits, beliefs, identities, and issues that hold them back is satisfying.

My sons turned out to be caring, independent young men on paths of their choosing and that makes me proud.

I was not happy living the life prescribed for me by tradition. I am extremely fulfilled living a life without judgement and with no need to be the captain of my children’s world.

I would love to hear from you. What life are you living? Did it turn out to be what you expected? Did you veer off from the traditions of your family? What is the secret to your peace?

I hope these articles influence you to pause for reflection on your life; if you are not where you would like to be, I hope they inspire you to shift and make choices that fill you up, living a life that you love.