The Mother Wound: Part Thirteen
Trust is hard to come by it seems...
In this series, I take you along with me through my experience of healing The Mother Wound along with all the idiosyncrasies that I discovered were associated to having that issue.
According to Bethany Webster, who coined the term, Mother Wound refers to “the pain of being a woman passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures.
My spirit of intent in sharing my experience, is that you might recognize yourself and use my story to help you find your way on this path to peace.
Pulled straight from the journal:
April 1, 2023
TRUST! Trust came up again this morning. Am I to trust that my body will not let me down? The high blood pressure I am experiencing concerns me; being stressed will certainly not help it get under control. HA!
I find reading the comments sections interesting at times. There are certainly a wide range of opinions out there and I see more women being brave enough to speak up. The tides are turning and I sincerely hope it is the sign of the changes to come.
Whenever I read news articles, I am confronted with more assaults on Mother Nature. I cannot comprehend how someone could report with a straight face that spilling 400,000 gallons of radioactive water into the Mississippi River would have no ill effects. How can they say that with a straight face? I wonder what addiction that person might use to assuage their guilt?
I read an interesting analogy the other day; if you put one hundred red ants and one hundred black ants together in a jar, they will not fight. However, if you shake the jar, they will go into battle.
The question to ask is who is shaking the jar?
April 2, 2023
Today I encountered a thread on LinkedIn discussing the requirement of women to declare marital status, versus the preferred title of Ms., Miss, or Mrs. In the comments, a man chimed in with all manner of opinions. We learned much about him in this discourse. I am not certain if he learned anything about women in the corporate world. It is interesting to see people cling tightly to their right to have an opinion without allowing the opinions of others. This man talked profusely about himself: married once with two children, wife left, resulting in his being a single parent. Married again with a four-year-old. A military man, six foot two inches, weighing two fifty. Right leaning voter.
Funny how we would learn so much about a man in a post about women’s titling. He even pointed out that his opinion is dismissed because he is an old white man. That made me burst out laughing.
There is much work to be done for equality to exist in our world, that is for certain.
April 3, 2023
The Artist’s Way – chapter 8 reflections:
1. Resentment – I resent having spent money on QI (a bogus marketing company, story link below); money that could have paid for both upcoming books or a vacation.
2. Fears: I have fears about publishing again that
No one will buy the book.
It will be boring and no one will read it.
Fear that I cannot write it, that I won’t know what to say.
Fear that people will think I am full of myself.
Fear that it will be a waste of money.
Fear I will never finish it.
3. I am afraid people will think I plagiarized the story and information. I am afraid of being accused of cultural appropriation.
4. If I do not publish another book, I will not have to promote it. If I do not author another book, I can hide.
5. Okay creative force, you take care of the quality, I will take care of the quantity.
April 4, 2023
I am asking The Creative how they are doing. It feels dangerous, tenuous. I want to be there for them but I do not want to get dragged into the drama. It is not good for my energy to do so. They said they are going to book a talk therapy session with me this month. At least then, I get paid. I honestly wonder sometimes if I am helping them at all. They need to do the work themselves, to choose to be better. I cannot do it for them and I need to protect my energy when I am with them. They make every decision a huge process. It simply does not need to be that way, in my opinion. I also know that I do not know what is inside their head.
Jaret compared the talk therapy to giving morphine to someone who has broken their leg. It might make them feel better for a time but does nothing to repair the damage or fix the problem.
My mentor says The Creative is excellent at sucking others dry with their needs. She recommended hypnosis. That is what I would prefer to offer as well.
The Creative’s main problem is themself. They find every reason to worry and make every problem a crisis. I need to decide what I am going to do about this. I truly do not want to offer talk therapy for them anymore. I do not want to listen to the same old stories over and over again.
I think there is a part of me that longs for a mother/daughter relationship and part of what I get from them fulfills that longing. There is no way my daughter would have this many issues as she would have been raised in a more loving environment.
If I am honest, when they are in a good space, they fill that need for me. I need to find that somewhere else, where my need to love and help younger women is fulfilled without giving up so much of myself. That is the key. I am open to finding that.
April 6, 2023
I am still unwell. My nose is runny, sinuses pouring down my throat, making me cough. Yuck! I feel stuffy and tired. I want to do things and have no energy for anything. My blood pressure is in the extreme hypertension range. I need to do things differently and get my health back in line.
I am working through some interesting feelings on Substack. I am grateful for the followers that I have; ninety is really good after nearly the same number of days. I am enjoying the engagement that I receive. I am also discovering writers whose work I enjoy. I am envious of those who have huge followings and seem to have more engagement. I do not know their lives, nor how many people they brought with them to this platform. I still have impatience and envy to work through; that is apparent. Why do I continue to compare myself to others resulting in finding myself lacking?
TRUST
There is that word again. I know I need to keep moving forward and trust. I had a weird response to the post I wrote about not having to like everything about a person to still send them love and wish them well. I am uncertain if the responder was taking something different from my message than what I was trying to convey? I guess that can happen.
Heaven’s Gate – great divinity and multidimensionality – 2026 – many more people will be able to access these expanded states of multidimensionality. Pam Gregory says to welcome in the expanded consciousness of love. Every time we get together and connect on the frequency of life, we expand the possibility of others joining. We are electro-magnetic beings and that is why sun flares affect us.
The brighter we shine our light, the faster the old ways will collapse. The old world, the old systems will crumble. The brighter we shine our light, the more we infect the collective with love.
“When you start inspiring people and touching their hearts, motivating them to remember their soul; that’s worth more than all the gold, right there!” That is what my friend Nicole told me today.
I am mostly at peace, until I decide I am not doing enough, being enough, earning enough, then I get dissatisfied. A friend and I were talking about that, about how we are supposed to be enjoying retirement, not feeling guilty about not working enough.
With respect to channeling, I do not know if I am resisting what wants to come through… I feel so tired right now. Blood pressure likely has something to do with that.
I have cancelled plans with The Creative on Tuesday. I have an appointment that morning and need to pick up my son from the airport in the afternoon. It will not work out. I cannot count on The Creative showing up on time, nor leaving on time; cancelling made the most sense.
I am tired and need to steer clear of drama to heal.
April 7, 2023
Last night, I woke up around 3:30 am. I decided I should call my Soul in and ask it and Super Conscious to take me back to my optimal health template. I asked that my throat relax, my headache be taken away, and that my eyes and blood pressure be returned to the optimal template for this body. I hereby ask forgiveness of this sacred vessel for not loving and accepting it for its beauty and strength. For so many years I sent it messages of it not being enough.
I am sorry to my physical self for not loving and honouring you in all your perfection.
Please forgive me for not treating you like the sacred vessel you are, feeding you supportive foods and better honouring your need for rest.
Thank you for weathering all the storms I brought upon you over the years as I tried to drown my emotions in carbohydrates.
I love you with all my being and I am so impressed by your strength. I admire the miracle that this body has to bring forward four babies, to heal and comfort so many more people.
I appreciate my body and I am going to do a better job of showing that in the future. Never mind future, I need to and am doing that NOW.
These morning pages are like a release valve to my emotions. They are a place where I can celebrate my victories, explore pain, and have gratitude for even the most mundane experiences.
April 9, 2023
What does my Soul want me to know right now?
These shifts you read about are impacting people. Your husband is a good example where he wakes up to realize he has more control than he believed about his body and state of mind. He is making small changes and realizing the benefits. This is an example of The Shift, where the illusion of control over is lifting and more people will find their Free Will.
For some, this will be invigorating, for others frightening, as they will find themselves in the driver’s seat of their own human vehicle, for the very first time with no idea how to operate the controls, or what destination to choose.
This can also happen for older, childless people who have spent all their time caring for elderly parents. Without hobbies and no experience of their own personal power, they may be directionless and drift into depression.
There are many who will need help to find themselves and to remember who they were before they became indenture to another. This is part of your calling and part of the purpose of Chakra Vibes. Getting them to move and feel like surge through their veins. You have much to do. You are building a platform of people to share awarenesses with. Trust that what you are drawn to is correct for you and your purpose. There is much need for your light and positive nature.
WE see you. We know the good you are doing, even when it is less eident to you.
All is well. All is on track. You are loved, protected, surrounded by our light.
Take care of you as well as all the others you have under your wings.
All is as it should be.
Present day perspective:
The issue of TRUST is common with people who have suffered The Mother Wound. In this case, my mom had trust issues, with very good reason; those who she should have been able to count on in life consistently let her down to the point where she no longer really trusted anyone.
A child cannot help but pick up the subtle vibrations of being unsafe in the world from their mother. I learned that I was not good enough, that I must pander to the meanest person in the room, and ask for little from my dad.
Is it any wonder that I had loads of trust issues to work through?
Can you relate? Did you learn to put yourself last? Did you learn to hold your tongue rather than suffer the slings and arrows of the bully in the room? Did you learn to give and give and give, without receiving anything in return? These can all be signs of the Ancient Wounds we carry for our ancestors.
There is hope and we can find peace. I say this with certainty because I have done it.
Thank you, dear reader, for spending some of your precious moments with me. If my story helps you, I would love to hear from you.