The Mother Wound: Part Fourteen
Learning about Fawning, a trauma response
Straight from the journals…
April 10, 2023
What does my Soul want me to know today?
You are touching hearts. You were right to keep your opinions to yourself yesterday. It was better to send love to the animals you were seeing rather than debate with the other person’s description. It serves no purpose and would only put her on the defensive. They are not in the same world as you. They are in the church mode and see things in a specific lean; not good or bad, simply different than you. You can only change people by leading not pushing, by responding to inquiries, not trying to initiate conversations, and be potentially seen as preaching.
You are best serving as a resource and example not a preacher of alternative views. Granted, your views are less alternative than they used to be. When asked, answer. When called, attend. Otherwise stand by in wisdom, ready to learn more through listening.
We see you learning the art of patience, it is not meant to be a punishment when you are deemed impatient or otherwise “bad,” it is that the lesson is that to experience patience is to view the art of life, unfolding itself in its own grand plan and magnificence.
WE love you. We see you. We are here with you. All is unfolding exactly as it should.
April 11, 2023
What does my Soul want me to know today?
We are pleased that you allowed the sound healing through yesterday. It was a gift to you as well as your client.
You must learn to trust the message. Yes! More reminders to TRUST yourself, as well as trust us.
We have much more to help you with when you are ready. When you allow, TRUST, and slow down to receive. You are still in busy mode – human doing – not BEING! Even in your still times, you are not still and open minded to receive; you are constantly filling, rather than creating open space for inspiration to arrive.
Do not worry about what you will create, just allow the information to flow into your awareness and out of your mouth if you do not trust the hand to be quick and true.
You are meant to be sounding; you always have been. Had you listened to those who said something different, you would have missed it all!
The view from today…
As I look back over the last two years, I see how far I have come and I am proud of my growth and self-forgiveness. There is more work yet to be done, that has also become evident.
As a curious person, I spend lots of time learning through books, podcasts, and videos. The term “witch wound” has come into my field of awareness recently, leading me down another rabbit hole of information and broadening my understanding of how we, women, got to where we are and how, perhaps, I specifically have been influenced by the past.
As happens in my life, the right book fell into my hands to sate my curiosity and add to the understanding of how my trusting nature became broken. The book is called Heal the Witch Wound by Celeste Larsen. I only heard the term “witch wound” a short while ago; when something comes into my awareness from multiple sources in a short while, I pay attention.
How does the witch wound and this book relate to this series?
There are three very well-known responses to trauma: fight, flight, and freeze. Around the same time as I heard the witch wound, I read somewhere about a four response: fawning. Celeste defines fawning as follows:
“When we say the things we think other people want to hear rather than what we actually feel to avoid conflict and to make our interactions with others feel safer, it is call fawning… Fawning is a fourth, lesser-known trauma response that was first identified by therapist Pete Walker in his book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. People who fawn often have a deep desire to keep the peace and to be validated by others.
Celeste Larsen… Heal the Witch Wound
When I first read the definition of fawning, it was as though a huge spotlight lit up to enlighten my understanding of my mom. She was not choosing to idolize men in power, she was responding to trauma in a way that had kept her safe for decades. By putting those in power on pedestals and reminding them of their value, she was endearing herself to them and staying safe.
In truth, fawning is not actually about the other person’s feelings at all. Rather, it is about your own inherited fear of rejection, conflict, and persecution.
…when you fawn, you merge your wishes and beliefs with those of the people around you and lose your own needs and sense of self in the process.
Celeste Larsen… Heal the Witch Wound
On this journey, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my own habits, identities, beliefs, and issues. Learning the term fawning, brought forward all the stories my mom likes to tell. There is a common theme about a man in a position of power and how they validated her worth.
In her relationships, she would adopt the hobbies and interests of the man she was with. For over sixty years, not only was she not interested in baseball, she never once showed up to any of my games when I played. Now, she can tell you details about the Blue Jays, their players and more, because of George, her partner. Prior to that it was Nascar and the guy she dated at that time.
I was so busy looking for her validation of me, wanting her to ask about my life, my career, my interests that I could not see the truth. Donning the interests of others endeared her to them, kept her safe, and there had been too many times in her life that she had not felt safety.
Reflecting further, I can see that I also fawned over those in charge; both men and women in power. I would automatically assume they knew more than I, that they were better than I. I too gave my power away and lost myself in the wake of their big personalities.
It is no wonder I lost trust in myself, my instincts, and abilities. It has taken a long while to reclaim my power.
Thank you for spending some of your precious minutes with me to follow along on this journey to heal the Mother Wound. I appreciate your time and I hope that something in my journey will spark healing in your own heart.