The Mother Wound: Part Fifteen

What's hers is mine, what's mine is hers... until I lay it down and claim myself.

What does my Soul want me to know right now?

You are doing so well. The forgiveness work you are doing IS helping you, as well as releasing the ties for others around you. We cannot really make you see the true value but the response from your mom is a good indicator.

There is power in the work you do for yourself, as well as with clients. You clear the path for them and truly make connections. They could do this for themselves, and will, in the future. It is necessary that they be shown the way initially. Many are like you, and do not believe they are worthy of these connections.

You are helping your mom as well; even though she may not say it or even consciously recognize it, the messages to forgive are getting through.

So many things are changing in the world. People are making different choices than those who went before. It is refreshing and I do believe it will be the reason the world changes, becoming more balanced again.

Imagine the changes you are witnessing magnified and distributed across the world. That is how shifts happen.

Many people are choosing their freedom over consumerism. AI can create more time for play and these new generations know how to play! Don’t fear, they won’t carry on the old ways.

Meaningful conversation will free the world from its merry-go-round of despair. Jump off people! There is life out there to be had!

May 21, 2023

What does my Soul want me to know today?

You are loved. The way you live, and are in love with life is appreciated. Your thoughts and observations help others when you share. Even the things you shared with your client yesterday have already helped to validate her, making her feel less alone in the world.

There are many in your age group going though similar experiences, just as there are many in your mother’s age group going through the phase of rumination about what life was, versus what it might have been. This is natural to have a life review as one reaches the end of their life. What many do not do is take this time to forgive, to have the experiences that are still available as they are still here on earth. They could choose to right their wrongs and live out the remaining years with grace and ease versus getting trapped in the mind locker of shame, blame, and regret.

May 25, 2023

Why do I care what other people think of me?

I do not want to be a target of ridicule and harsh words. The other memory that surfaced was high school when I ran for social director of the school council. I almost had a nervous breakdown doing that. I do not even remember who won, just how awful and rejected I felt.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Why did I need to belong so badly back then?

I did not love myself. There was a massive not-good-enough that lived in my home. It took up all the oxygen and stomped on my attempts to find myself and nurture my self-esteem. It spoke through my dad’s comments about my clothes, shoes, and pay cheque. His critiques of my cooking when I tried something new.

It spoke through my mom when she would comment on where I was spending my time. She made everything about herself, even my choice of where to spend my time. I remember one time when I was talking to ladies at work about cooking and learned of lean beef. My mom was horrified that I described how we had to drain the fat. I was innocent, simply not knowing that another option existed.

I am carrying my mother’s shame. I just realized I carried it to my home on Lexier Place and packed it up at Cranbourn Crescent, moving it here to my current home. My youngest packed it up too and worried he would not be accepted in our new neighbourhood.

Funny, the other night the neighbours were drunk and singing off key. I did not hear them but Jaret did. That is no different than the parties my parents had when I was a kid. There are all kinds of people and they live everywhere.

Why do I need to be worried about other people’s opinions of me now?

I do not.

May 27, 2023

What does my Soul want to tell me about my magic?

Oh, Dear One, we find it amusing and appropriate that you would ask this question here in this journal depicting Lemuria.

The magic you seek, the connection to the time of teaching children to be love is also seeking you. It is coming and you are ready. All the parts are falling into place. We know you have worries about practical things but you need not all will be provided and you just need to keep following your guidance.

We see you second guessing your decision to even come to Saskatoon and you should not. This was a good decision. The young ladies you met last night are part of the reason. The others are of no concern to you. They are their own people and other people exist but not for you to worry about.

The anxiety you feel during these times is part of your stepping out which is part of the stepping up and into your purpose of being here at this time.

You must lead with your heart in all things and in all ways. That is your magic. Your worries that you are not doing enough, being enough, are part of the old way of being on the planet. They are of no consequence to you at this time, in this time.

Your magic is in your heart’s desire for everyone to LOVE themselves. You truly do want them to find the LOVE that they are within themselves because that is the key to venerating a return to paradise on earth for all.

This shift will not be without its challenges but as each heart opens, it creates a path and a possibility for the next and the next.

These are magical and magnificent times on earth and the possibilities are beautiful and strong.

You are standing at a gateway into the unknown with trust in your heart, ancient remembering in your soul and inner illumination to light the way.

…Izzy Ivy

The view from the present:

During this time, things with my mom were fairly quiet. I went about business which included the goal to get my name out into the community to expand Sparks of Healing. I disconnected from some relationships, like that with The Creative, which were truly unbalanced.

I joined a women’s network and was asked to be a member of their board. It felt like such an honour to be asked… once again, I was seeking the validation and approval from outside of myself.

Slowly, as I observed my mother and wrote in my journal reflecting on experiences both good and bad along with my response to the approval I received and validation, I recognized more and more how I was similar to my mom. The lessons of her life seeped into my belief system in ways that I had not questioned them before, simply accepted them as truth.

Every step I took to put myself out into the world, to be with more and more women, I questioned my mother’s teaching. I was learning to make my own choices, be stronger, have boundaries, and choose myself, my happiness, my peace, and to follow my passions.

I still had a long way to go to find peace.

Thank you for spending your precious moments with me. If anything from my journey strikes a chord with you, I would love to hear from you.

I wish you peace.

I wish you joy.

I hope you live your life your way, following your passions.