The Mother Wound: Part 16

Mirror mirror...

Straight from the journal… June 2023

What does my Soul want me to know right now?

Reminder that you are only responsible for what you say and do. You are not responsible for how others take things and what they do with the information. Of course, this does not give a carte blanche freedom for you to misbehave and throw thoughtless comments out into the world. You have grown past that.

Your friends’ comments about your authenticity are valid and you should take them to heart. Your friend is a good example of when you provided information and then she went on her own path in her own timeline to get to the decision to leave an unhealthy relationship. It is her life to live and you are there to support her to the degree she needed, in the time she needed.

There are a lot of hurt people in the world still going around hurting others, then blaming them for their own misery. It takes a lot for some folks to break free of ego; to realize they alone are responsible for their feelings, actions, and attitudes. A lot of hurt people are not strong enough to see their own truth.

It is also a fact that mirror work is extremely deep and hard work. The mirrors in our life do not lie, and can reflect a very harsh reality.

It takes stamina to stay in one’s truth and be a reflector to show the other person how they truly are. That is why angry people escalate to a great degree when the person they are berating does not respond as expected. They are standing there alone in the heightened emotion which can feel ridiculous, especially when the calm person says something like “Are you quite finished?” It reduces them to a child having a tantrum, which is not a good look on an actual child, never mind a fully grown adult.

I am extremely grateful for the relationship that Jaret and I have. I appreciate our ability to speak about a variety of things and that we do not let any issues between us fester. It is peaceful and supporting in our home even when one of us is down.

The way you live is an art form – a unique expression of yourself. You can dance through challenges, sing through restrictions, and paint your reality.

…Izzy Ivy

June 9, 2023

When we share our vulnerabilities with others, we allow them to glimpse a deeper part of ourselves. This is fertile soul for trust. It plants the seeds for others to share the places that are most raw or tender for them. Our closest friendships can be formed in this space.

…Izzy Ivy

As I step into this quiet period of life where time does not control my moments, the things I need to see and heal rise up from the murky depths of my body, mind, and soul to be healed. It is genuinely like peeling an onion. There are more layers than I realize and each one brings forward what it must. As I move forward, the layers are more tightly wound, closer to the heart, but they are also smaller and easier to dissect.

I no longer chase away my shadow with false light. I am welcoming my darkness into the circle, hearing its tales, and feeling its pain, my pai. I examine the memories, this time not seeking blame and shame, but understanding. I embrace all the players with my heart to being the work of forgiveness.

To forgive others of their actions, words, and attitudes is to seek to understand them. The most difficult aspect of forgiveness is towards myself; to forgive myself for any part I played, consciously or unconsciously in the drama that unfolded. To forgive myself for choosing the experience and then for carrying the unhealthy emotions locked tightly into the vault along with the lessons and experience. It was not necessary for me to continue to carry blame, shame, or guilt along with the lessons. That is not the point of having experiences here.

I am no more perfect or less imperfect than any other soul here. We all have the same choices and free will to choose our reactions.

I have always taught my children that everyone makes mistakes, it’s what we do next that counts. Not only does it count, but it also serves to shape our entire future.

I have met people who choose to exist not in the moment, but in the memory of yesterday, in fear of tomorrow. It breaks my heart to watch them squander their present moments. If they are friends, I sometimes allow myself to get sucked into their void. That is a different forgetting of time; to become lost in yesterday’s choices and fearful of what tomorrow may bring. This is how one becomes frozen in no time.

I have chosen to walk away from these others, I could not help them stand on their own, and it drained my life force to prop them up continuously. I have to go through my own self-doubt, guilt, and shame in making those choices.

Eventually, I get the other side of the rescuer shadow, emerging into the sunlight of realizing that they are exercising their free will to choose their experience. Who am I to tell them they are wrong? When these people tell me they cannot choose differently, I need to respect that as a choice and walk away. That is my choice and one of the biggest shadows I have had to face along the way.

My inner martyr is strong. She likes to give away my time and energy. She likes to obsess about other people’s lives believing somehow that she can force a change if she just loves them enough. She encourages me to lie down and allow my soul to be sucked away by their incessant need for attention, validation, and to dim my light with their shadow.

I choose to break free. I choose to walk in the light of love, peace, and gratitude; I have compassion for them from a safe distance.

My shadow side is necessary, it shows me that the light exists in another choice, another direction. To forgive is to nurture my shadow in light and love.

Now I have time to see all the shades of my walk through this life; to assess myself, accept my flaws, and choose love in all experiences.

I am grateful.

Present day perspective:

At this time in my life, things had settled down a little. I started to believe my time was my own and the road ahead was clear. Mom did not have a long list of things for me. I had time for my business and more clients were discovering me based on the work I was doing advertising services, and meeting people through a variety of networking opportunities in our city.

One of the women’s groups I joined asked me to join their board. I was incredibly flattered and excited to use the project management skills I had lying dormant and be able to help with their upcoming project highlighting the issues of Human Trafficking. What a noble cause! It bears mentioning that my intuition had previously told me that this group was not for me, a message I completely ignored in favour of being wanted in this group. I had yet to discover the term fawning as a trauma response, and joining this group would provide me with all the evidence I needed to recognize this response within me.

Although I did not like the old stories that Mom told me on repeat, as mentioned in prior posts in this series, they served as my mirror, showing me aspects of myself that were similar to her, habits and beliefs I have picked up that do not suit the authentic version of me.

From the present, healed version of me, I can see how I got to where I was. To be honest, reading back these journals has taken me through the gamut of emotions; from impatience with myself about the amount of time I was stuck ruminating, to elated to be where I am now.

I stopped transcribing for a couple of weeks. Jaret, my husband asked me if I was finished? I told him, no I am annoyed with myself at how long I was stuck in the muck. He cautioned me to be gentle with myself. The me of yesterday did not yet have the knowledge and understanding of today; I needed the time it took to get to this healthy state of being.

I love that man.

Thank you for spending your precious moments with me. I hope that by sharing my journey, it may assist you in some small way to find your path to heal, or help someone in your life find their peace.