There are many books in the fields of both psychology and spirituality that talk about the phases in our lives; both viewpoints agree that from birth to approximately 28 years of age are the highly experiential times of life. It is in this phase that we have our hell on earth moments. We experience an immense amount as we travel through from babyhood to the gates of a toddler, to next leaving our homes to venture to school and so on.
From ages 29 to 49, we have our time to build our lives, figure out who we are and are not. We create stability, have careers, raise families, and our parents get older.
50 and beyond are the review years; we slow down, review our lessons and share with others what is appropriate. If we are truly wise, it is time to enjoy the fruits of our labour.
In my 40’s, I began to slow down a little and take the time to assess who I was; what did all those experiences meant and who do I wanted to be.
Now that I am in my 50’s, I consciously chose the person I want to be in the world. I have spent the last decade or two evaluating what comes out of my mouth, where it came from, and if those words represent who I want to be?
I was drifting along a river of beliefs and opinions that really didn’t resonate with who I was on the inside. I would repeat opinions and judgments that did not truly align with my heart. It was during this time when I began to meet people who made my question myself.
Why do you think that, Patricia? Do you truly believe what you are saying?
I began the path of deep examination and started editing my narrative; both the spoken beliefs and the ones floating around inside my head. There was a lot of judgement there, slowing down allowed me to question why that was…
You cannot go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending… C.S. Lewis
I came to realize that judgement is the cause of division in society. When we judge something, we make it “other”. It is not what we are, what we like, what we approve of, it is something else; the other choice.
When we judge ourselves, we limit who we are and deeming ourselves unworthy, less than, wrong in some way shuts down our self-love and in the worst case can fill us with self-loathing.
Judgement of others creates unclimbable walls between us and them; either they are too good for us and we do not connect, or we find a flaw in them that leads to discounting their entire being, based on one, often small, thing.
What if everyone is a mirror offering a reflection of ourselves? What if we polish our own mirror, accept its imperfections, and learn to love what we see exactly as it is? Could we then love others as we do ourselves and see all of us as God-sparks?
I am finding my 50’s to be a place of peace, of acceptance, and allowance. I do not need the validation of strangers, neither do I require everyone in my life to march to the beat of my drum, nor that their beliefs match mine; in fact, it is interesting when they hold different ideas about the ways of the world based on different experiences so that we can have interesting, expansive conversations.
Dropping judgement, the need to be right, and the need for everyone to agree with me has been a huge relief. Allowing everyone else their opinions, choices, and self-expression has freed me to be my own person.
I truly believe we are on Earth at this time to remember our Oneness; we come from love and light, we return to love and light when our earthly time is done. If we learn to love ourselves now, we will have so much more love to give. That giving and receiving opens us up to accept everyone as is and will shift the ways of the world.
My 50’s are not only a time to look back on life, they are also providing me with the opportunity to lighten my load; to decide what it is that I want to carry forward into the next decade and beyond. My pack became immensely lighter when I unloaded judgement and forgave myself for carrying so much of it in the past.
What can you unload to make room for more love?