Sparking up a Relationship part 3

Exploration of Ancient Wounds; healing up and down the ancestral line.

How is this related to communication?

Hey Patricia! I thought you said this series was about communication! Yes, it is and Ancient Wounds can play a big part in our internal dialogue. The assumptions we make about what another person is saying or why they are doing something may be related to something in your family history.

We hear with jaded ears and process information down those well-worn paths that I spoke of in the last post found here. We are not the only travellers pounding down the tracks of those brain ruts; many have travelled before us; think DNA methylation, epigenetics, and the nature of our nurturing; many of these factors influence how we interpret the words we are hearing.

Here is an example...

As an example, let’s say I have a distrust of other women, not just some women but ALL women. (I did, but i do not now.) This distrust and need to be in control of relationships, friendships, or pretty much any interaction has always been there. Where on Earth did that come from? As babies, we come into the world full of innocence and love. Where did the habit of distrusting others seep in?

It took a long time for me to unearth the answer to this question. It was because my mother did not trust other women in her life; a belief that was born out of understandable circumstances. I will not go into the details here, as that is not the point. The issue here is that without ever sitting me down to explain that my sisters from other misters were not to be trusted, that belief planted itself firmly in my subconscious mind. My body absorbed that understanding at the emotional level and registered the information as truth in the subconscious mind.

It took many years to figure this out in my conscious mind and many more after that to consciously adjust the records.

Hypnosis yanked out the remaining roots of those beliefs; swiftly and permanently. My life is a safer place now that I am not looking around expecting to get knifed in the back from every direction.

Knowing where the limiting belief came from allowed me to fill in those ruts; taking time to reassess my relationships with other women, showed me all the times I sabotaged the friendships with stories I told myself. Those stories were narrated by a voice of them past… not born of the truth of my personal experience.

It took the traumatic experience of my daughter being diagnosed with a brain tumour at age four for my to truly accept that a circle of beautiful women had been surrounding me because they truly loved me for me to begin the hard work of filling in the ruts. I have published my daughter’s story; the link follows.

Relating it back to client experiences…

My clients have other beliefs which have corrupted their relationships at both the intimate partner and friend level. It is important to question those beliefs. I use a number of modalities and tools to help them do that work.

In the corporate world, I learned a root cause analysis tool called 5 Whys; this tool is used to get to the bottom of process issues for any problem.

It has been my experience that the interrogative nature of the tool means it is also effective in digging through the layers to get to the root cause of behavioural problems. I am grateful for my years spent in the corporate world because of all of the beneficial training I received. I find this method to be efficacious in rooting out personal beliefs.

Let’s play…

What happens if we try this method on that personal belief that women cannot be trusted?

Why do you believe that women cannot be trusted?

Because they might be talking about me behind my back.

Why do you believe they would be talking about you behind your back?

Because they probably don’t like me and are just pretending that they do.

Why would they pretend to like you?

They probably want something from me and that is why they are pretending to like me.

Why couldn’t they just like you for you?

Well because I am not ­­­______________ enough. (Fill in the blanks.)

Why do you believe that?

Because I have never been good enough, if I received 85% on an exam, my dad would focus on the 15% wrong, etc etc.

This is the root cause of the issue. I was not good enough in my own mind, how could I deserve them?

Bingo! Here is the problem at the very core. There is a not-enough belief there that is colouring all personal interactions with other women. Each woman would be a mirror reflecting my personal beliefs back to me. The key resolution here is to work on my self-love.

In my case, working on my own love of self-healed my issue, and furthermore, helped me to recognize the lack of it in others. This skill of recognition now guides me, helping me to assist clients to find it for themselves.

Love is the answer… now what was the question?

You see, that is the root cause of many of our issues, a lack of self-love. When we do not have that inside of ourselves, we are constantly seeking it from others.

Love cannot be found in addiction to food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, or even sex. The feelings we get from those habits are not sustainable; honestly, they do not hold a candle to feeling true affection for yourself.

Healing the entire world begins with healing these ancient wounds that stand in the way of loving ourselves. When we do the work to heal the ancient wounds in our family lines, be they a mistrust of women or addiction, we heal those wounds backwards and forwards through all the branches of our family tree. How does that work, Patricia? Well, that is another post for another day…

Ho’oponopono is one of the many wools that help excavate all the beliefs that stand in the way of true self love and acceptance. That blog is already written and can be found here.

I would love to know if this information resonated with you. What would you like to read more about? Did any questions surface for you? Please let me know in the comments.