Self-forgiveness of the former versions of me

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

I liked the Nesting Doll analogy that one of the other writers on SS used to describe previous version of herself. The author poses that none of those former versions of them are gone instead they are tucked deep inside, no longer revealed to the world.

I do not like some past versions of myself; however, I appreciate them and the lessons they taught me.

I know I need to send them love; however, I only wish to revisit them as memories; I do not want to walk in their shoes ever again. Reading the journal of the version of me as a young mom for instance, who was married to a self-centered husband made me squirm. The things I accepted as normal back then would have me scoff at the mere possibility today, such as having my husband whisk the most cooperative child away for an all-day excursion, while I, who had been parenting alone all week, stayed home with three children; somehow that version of me thought it was perfectly reasonable. What?! Nooooo…

This me, her shell is a much stronger material; shiny and bold enough to reflect reality back to those around me, unafraid to state her needs, fulfilling them herself when necessary.

I like today’s me with her ever-evolving boundaries, compassion and ability to keep learning. I like that I can adjust my understanding as I continue to grow with each piece of the puzzle discovered. It is good and freeing to not have to pretend I have it all together. I don’t. HA!

How did I get here?

Unfortunately, there is no quick answer or magic pill I can recommend that is going to help you love and accept yourself. As I have said in the past there are many layers of the onion I had to peel and heal in order to find a place of peace within me.

Reiki was the first tool to give me peace, self-treatments took me to an elevated state of being where I felt love to a depth and breadth I had not yet experienced. Surrounding myself with like-minded souls, generally older women who had arrived at their inner place of peace.

Journalling with questions and answers; allowing automatic writing to occur which left me amazed at the love my higher self had for me, even when my human self was experiencing despair, shame, and self-loathing. Eventually I felt worthy of the love I was experiencing.

Burlesque dancing with an amazing group of women in every shape size and gender identity who taught me that everybody is beautiful, how to celebrate my curves and jiggly bits! I am forever grateful to Anna Scott, our lovely instructor, for showing me how to love and honour my body.

Hypnosis into the Interlife has been the most recent tool which has helped me to find self-love through journeys to a space where I can connect directly to my guidance team and soul self.

Ho’oponopono, which I have spoken of in the past here is an amazing self-forgiveness tool; which can pave the path for forgiveness of others in ways I did not believe were possible.

Photograph taken by author at Kona on The Big Island of Hawaii in February 2018

Self-forgiveness is the key to self-love

As I said in the audio post here there is nothing that we have said or done that does not deserve forgiveness. In the heart of All That Is, there is no good/bad, right/wrong; there are only experiences, all perfect for our learning at this time.

You are the only one who needs to forgive you in order for you to be free.

Once you forgive yourself, you remove yourself from the past. This is the key to being fully alive in the present moment. Guilt is a useless emotion. We cannot alter the past and staying there steals our present moments.

Wisdom from Kung Fu Panda…

Who I am today is a mélange of the experiences of my former self…

When you think about it that way, there is truly no purpose in despising our former selves; each prior version of you provided a magical ingredient in the person you are today. I don’t know about you, but I like the current version of me; she is strong yet has compassion, she knows how to listen and is brave enough to speak her mind, she has boundaries yet is able to let people in and accept their love. She is beautiful inside and out in her own unique way. She is working her way to being love on the earth and shining her light for everyone to see.

You are her too… you are worth loving and definitely worth forgiveness and absolute acceptance in all your imperfect perfection.

My greatest wish for you is that you love yourself… fully and completely with the full capacity of your heart, right now; not 10 minutes from now, 10 pounds from now, or 10 thousand dollars from now. NOW! Exactly as you are this minute.

Patricia Meier - My Weird and Wonderful life SparksOfHealing.ca