How can you love me if I don't love myself?
This morning, I woke up and heard a song playing that said “How can you love me if I don’t love myself?” It brought to mind many memories of not loving and accepting myself; times when I did not trust in the love that others professed.
How can you love me when there is a long list of things wrong with me…
My weight
My age
My less than perfect teeth
The mole on my right leg…
I did not trust love; part of me was always on watch, waiting to find the catch, the trick, the strings attached. When would the bombshell fall, blowing up this façade of my lovability?
In a state of not loving myself, I gave way being my abilities; spending time and money to keep that love until I was depleted. This served to add to the suspicion and created a massive imbalance in any relationship; giving significantly more than I allowed myself to receive.
What do they want from me? What do they need from me? When will I find out it is just a big joke like all those movies where the ugly girl gets pranked and the cool kids laugh?
How, indeed, can you love me when I do not love myself? You cannot see the dark recesses of my heart for they are closed off even to me.
It took many years of self-discovery, understanding, self-forgiveness, and finally learning to fully love myself.
I am there now.
It has been a long, often lonely road to get to this place of peace. I am able to give love freely, no strings of expectation attached. I do not need you to love me, however, I graciously accept the love that is offered now.
I am full of love from my soul connection, from the Divine Feminine as well as the Divine Masculine which are part of All That IS who created me… from LOVE.
I have reached a place of knowing my true self and liking what I see, regardless of the number on the scale or how many trips around the sun, nor even the signs of gravity of my face.
I am me and I like her.
The other day something happened inside of me; a whole drama unfolded within the emotional and physical bodies while I observed from a somewhat detached state. My husband is younger than me by fifteen years. He is part of a gaming group from all across our province and they were getting together for dinner that night. I had plans with my son and his new girlfriend. Upon arriving home, he shared the details of meeting one of the other players for the first time; a woman his own age who is single and who had just won all her tai quan doh matches after training for a very short time.
I felt the familiar feeling rise up from the muck of self-doubt, crawling up my legs into my belly.
He should be with her. She is young, a gamer, athletic, much more interesting than me….
BUT… this time, instead of the ugly self-doubt reaching up from the gut to close the door in my heart, something else happened. A calm loving presence flowed from my crown chakra down through the heart and blanketed the doubts in its love; peace flowed over me and I felt happy that my husband had these people to share his interests with.
I found peace. I possess self-love, finally.
My greatest wish for you is that you love yourself. Accept yourself, as you are today. Right here, right now. Not ten pounds lighter. not ten thousand dollars richer. Flat out, right now. As is, no conditions applied.
JUST LOVE YOU!
In Oneness…