Hard to love

You hold a belief from quite a young age that you are a very difficult person to love

Photo of me around the age mentioned in the story… I loved my cake but that is the face of a sad girl.

February 2018

Hypnosis is an incredible tool.  In the hands of a trusted practitioner, the client can take a journey to excavate the dark recesses of the subconscious, unearthing deep-seated beliefs they didn't even realize had taken root.

People who met me would never have guessed that I lacked confidence, in fact I'm fairly certain they would tell you I had it in spades.  They didn't know how I worried later about what I said, how I said it and did I offend anyone; how I laid awake at night replaying my every utterance.

I think I suffered impostor syndrome "a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud."

In February of 2018, I attended Hypnosis Certification training with an NGH certified instructor/practitioner.  Our class included instruction, practice on each other and occasionally a demonstration where one of us would have a session in front of the rest of the class.   On one such day, watching another beautiful woman work through long-held beliefs woke something deep inside me that ached for healing.

As a group, we openly discussed how being witness to each other brought forth our own stuff which is perfect as what better place to bring things to light.   As I shared my feelings and experiences, Jessica, a talented and intuitive Body Talk practitioner observed, "You hold a belief from quite a young age that you are a very difficult person to love."  That hit the nail on the head for me.  It was an absolute truth within my subconscious mind that filled my guts with physical pain.

I have been to a variety of different healers and done loads of work on myself to get to where I am today.  On many occasions, healers have said to me "your heart chakra is blocked" which I firmly rejected.   They OBVIOUSLY were mistaken as I am a very kind, generous and loving individual.   Something is OFF with those people.

The instructor told me to get in the chair. I said to the others, haven't you heard enough from me this morning?  No, if you are willing to work through this in front of us, we are happy to support you through it.   Several of them said things like "I can't believe you feel this way, you are such a lovable person" "I hardly know you and I love you already" "You are such a kind and compassionate person, how can you not see yourself?"   With every compliment, every kind word and with every atom of loving energy being sent my way, I could feel my heart chakra energy clamp shut firmly rejecting all of the love and light coming my way.  It was screaming, you don't deserve this love, this is not true, you are not a good person.

She took me into deep hypnosis.  We journeyed back to all the times, all the experiences that compounded to create this belief within my heart.  She guided me to do the challenging work of letting this go.  This was deeply rooted but I was ready and determined to be free of this darkness.  When it was done, I pulled out the roots to release the pain.

Today, I feel more grounded and filled with joy than I can ever remember in a long, long time.   I have done so much work over the years to get to this place.   Am I perfect, hell no, I'm human and therefore flawed by design.

My goal with any of the healing work I do, be it hypnosis, sound healing, Chakra Vibes, or Soul Alignment is to help you get to the place where I am today.  Filled with peace and joy; open to giving and receiving love.  This is the natural state of humanity and what we came here to do.  Give and receive love.   Learn and grow.  Remember who we are and what we came here to do.

If you are ready to do the work like I did, I am more than ready to be your guide.

What am I reading right now?

Further to my current obsession with Mary Magdalene, I am in book two of Judith Kusel’s journey’s to free the spirits of the past, learn about the sacred feminine, and rediscover pyramids all over the world. What a fascinating life this woman has lead.

In Oneness,

~~Patricia (Patty) Meier