Friends over the years...

What I treasure most

I have been thinking lots about friendship this past while. I am three years shy of my sixth decade on the planet and I wonder what friendships I will take with me.

Friendship for me has changed so much over the years; as a child it was who to invite to swing in my backyard, singing songs, laughing and playing. There were no qualifiers beyond, can so and so come out to play now? Life was easy. I got a bicycle and things changed again, I only wanted to hang out with people who could go on two-wheeled adventures, daring further and further away from home.

The older I became, the more criteria seemed to be baked into belonging. Did I have the right jeans? The right hairstyle? Was I cool enough to hang out with? The answer more often than not was no. I was letting people choose me which was usually in the middle of the pack, never first and thank heavens, not usually last.

I have changed, grown, and come to accept myself as I am; a perfectly imperfect human with bumps, scars, attitude, and stories. I want different things from my companions now. I desire honesty, kindness, compassion, and interesting conversation. I don’t want to drink, gossip, or talk about the ones not in the room.

Friendship with me now requires a level of acceptance, a level of harmony, and a depth of heart I did not even know existed in my youth. I care for my friends deeply. I will call them on their BS and I expect them to do the same for me.

I have no interest in the balance in your bank account, the kind of car you drive, or how clean your house is. I want to know what makes your heart sing, what have you discovered in your explorations near and far? What books have you read, movies have you watched, and what songs struck a chord deep in your heart?

The shoulders for crying change from person to person while we each experience our challenges and losses; I will hold the space for you and I know you will hold the space for me, because we are friends and that means something.

The number of friends on the Book of Faces means nothing compared to that one friend who will respond to your text at 11pm when you simply cannot sleep due to that thing that happened, what they said, or worse yet, what you wish you hadn’t said in return. That friend will ask if you want to talk? Do you need me to come over? Those friends are worth more than all the likes in the world.

I am a hypnotherapist, but I do not wish to be the friend you only turn to for therapy. I want to hear about the triumphs as well as the tribulations. I don’t have time for those who are only looking for a rainy-day friend or one with a crying towel firmly attached to their shoulder.

I want true friendship.

I cherish the friends who message me off-coloured jokes they wouldn’t dare post on their socials; they send them to me as they know I will get the giggle without taking offense. Friends who, when we have not been in the same real-life space for months, pick up like it was only yesterday.

I have these people in my life and I am eternally grateful for their love and acceptance. I won’t give up on them and they do not give up on me, even if I am being a temporary ass hat and need a boot in the butt. A real friend puts on their least pointy shoes and gives me the love tap, followed by a hug and a stern talking to. One is famous for her way of handling those conversations…. “Actually, No.” Everyone needs an “actually, no” friend who will tell them the way it actually is without the blinders and poor me preconceived notions.

Today, I had a tough conversation with a dear friend. She has been through a lot in this life, I will admit. Today she needed me to hold up a mirror to her and ask her to look honestly at what she was presenting to the world. Is that who you want to be in the world? I do not think that is who you truly are, or who you want to be.

She has shared her long list of used-to-be-friends and I have to admit, I was a little worried that I would be the next name penciled in. Not so. She thanked me for being one of the only ones to show her the truth reflected by her words and deeds. She thanked me for loving her enough, for being brave enough to call her out on her actions and require her to do better. I told her I would stick by her, I would not abandon her as she worked through her stuff, because I know who she really is beneath her layers of hurt.

I hope she is that friend to me. I hope that when I need to be better, to hold more compassion and understanding that someone, maybe she, will be brave enough to force me to look in the mirror. I hope I will be big enough to see the truth and make a new choice; giving her a hug and a heartfelt thank you.

Nowadays, my friends are treasured for their hearts, minds, and deeds above all else. I strive to be a treasured friend to those around me in all ways; heart wide open, honesty first, friends ‘til the end.