Ditching a family tradition...

How I healed the deep ancient wound of distrusting women...

I have had the most amazing fall, and it has only just begun. This past Sunday, I spoke to over one hundred open hearted women at The Power of An Unstoppable Woman conference here in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. This is an annual gathering hosted by Dr. Rose Backman and it was my first time speaking to a crowd of that size about things that come from my heart.

I am a definite extraverted introvert so why would I sign up to do something like this, let alone pay money to speak on a stage? I definitely was asking myself that very question leading up to the event. I knew what I was going to speak about well in advance; self-love, self-forgiveness, and healing ancient wounds. The reason I was adamant to share on this topic was because I have been doing that work for a few years which has set me free mentally, emotionally, and physically. It has allowed me to make a deeper connection to my spirituality; my higher, wiser self in ways I had never imagined.

The ladies of my family have had many rough experiences in life, many of those at the hands of those who should have been their greatest protectors, as a result, I inherited a mistrust of other women. For the longest time, I did not know I had this passed on to me through methylation, I only knew I did not trust other women. Even as a little girl, I preferred my male friends over the female, telling myself that boys were just easier to have a good relationship with but not really knowing why. I found myself feeling less than other females; they knew how to dress, how to do their hair and makeup whereas I was just trying to figure it out, believing that I was falling terribly behind.

In the past couple of years, I have learned more about those who came before me and now I see where the habit of mistrust developed. It was a family tradition, the gift that keeps on taking.

When my daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumour in December 2005, I had my first experience of women coming together to take care of me; that Christmas they arrived to clean my home and help decorate it for the season. Another friend cooked an entire traditional Christmas feast, knowing that I did not have the strength and wanting my family to have some semblance of normalcy. My 40th birthday arrived during this trying time, so my sister-in-law made certain I had a fabulous cake and a celebratory dinner out; mom flew from Regina to Calgary to help me know I was loved. When things settled down a little in the summer, my friend Tracy scanned the emails I had been sending to track down women she had never even met to invite them to her home for a belated 40th festivity. After Alexandra passed, ladies gathered to prepare the feast after the celebration of life ceremony and many others filled our freezers to overflowing; still, I did not feel worthy of this circle of women and their love.

It was not until the fall of 2022 that I realized I had a problem and exactly how that problem came to be; Reading Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride, PhD unlocked the secrets of my loneliness. I am an avid reader who always intends to do the exercises in a workbook and seldom makes it all the way through, getting bored along the way. That was NOT the case with this book, I did every single assignment be it though based or writing, as I did them the puzzle pieces came together for me and my issues because crystal clear.

In 2023, I made a commitment to myself to get back out into the world. Having retired from the corporate world in July 2021, I was now working for myself out of my home-based treatment room and lacking people time. I promised myself I would get my butt out into the world to widen my circle, as scary as the thought of that felt at the time.

That book changed my worldview; I was about to find out how grand that change was. I decided to join WESK (Women Entrepreneurs of Saskatchewan) as they offered networking sessions once per month for free, at the same time, investigating the Regina Women’s Network’s (RWN) offers. I ventured to the first RWN meeting where I met some lovely ladies, had a wonderful home cooked buffet and a presentation on wellness; it was great, but I was still not sure I needed both groups. The following week, I attended the WESK meeting, pushing myself even further out of my comfort zone to sit with a stranger. On the way out of that venue, one of the RWN ladies called to me to introduce me to their president who had been absent the previous week; after a rousing conversation with her, I was sold, I needed to be a part of both groups.

Spreading my wings out fully, I ventured to no less than three health and wellness expos this year, the last being the Unstoppable Woman’s conference to speak in front of my largest audience yet.

Fast forward to this week, I am about to attend my first board meeting of the RWN as the Director of Programming Elect on the same as a coffee date with a new friend to plan her business launch!

Meeting new friends to adventure with is great, but even better is the calm and confidence I feel internally. I no longer feel like an outsider in rooms filled with women. I am not comparing myself to them only to find myself lacking anymore, I listen to learn and add my knowledge to the mix when appropriate.

Speaking at that conference, my heart was wide open, sending love, willing, and able to receive the love that streamed back

How many more of these family traditions are out there for me and perhaps for you, dear reader? Is there a tradition of playing small, a tradition of being subservient, or how about a tradition of giving away time and talent for free while not taking the credit for your brilliant creations? Let’s all promise to stop doing that, to stand up tall, and reach for the things we want with confidence, boosting one another up to achieve our biggest dreams.

While we are at it, let’s all take the time to forgive ourselves for our past misdeeds, be they real or imagined. Let’s let go of who and what society says we can be and just do all the things that bring us joy.

Time to sign off now, I need to make a pot of soup to take to my new RWN peers! I hope this sharing gives you some insight into where you hold beliefs that no longer serve you or where you are hearing limitations in your head from voices that are not your own.

Go out and live your best life, find your greatness, and share it with the world! You will not regret it, I promise you!