Care Bombing

When the care becomes too much to handle...

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I don’t know what it is about December, but there are many people experiencing health crisies right now, some who are close friends and others acquaintances.

One beautiful soul elected to not post anything on social media about her health experience. She stated that there were already too many people “care bombing” her and she did not want the stress. Care bombing? This is not a term I was familiar with; she enlightened me, it sounds something like this:

Oh my gawd! I cannot believe this is happening to you! You are SO strong!!!  I don’t know what I would DO if it were me! I am sure I would just want to curl up and disappear but YOU! YOU are soooooooo much braver than I am.

You get the picture? This type of “care” from others is not supportive in the least. It elicits one of two visceral responses from the bombee…

The receiver of the bombing feels overwhelmed even more by the extent of the speaker’s intense reaction to their situation. Maybe they had a handle on it, maybe they reduced it to something they could handle and now the bomber has pumped it back up to a massive monster they are not sure they can fight, despite the other person’s assurance that they are a superhero of some sort.

The second response is the desire to just throat punch the speaker so they stop! The words appear to be more about the speaker and how they are glad it is you not them than they are about you at all. The feelings that arise can be anything from mild irritation to rage at having to hear one more person go on about how they could NEVER handle what you are going through and why did it have to happen to YOUUUUUUUUUUU….

Care bombing. Don’t do it.

But I DO care, Patricia! How can I show it without it being an assault?

The answer to that is simple however it may not be easy.

       First: Calm yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get all your worries, drama, stress out before you connect with the person in crisis. They should never have to feel like they are consoling YOU in their time of need.

       Second: Check to see if they want people coming to visit; even calling can feel like too much when someone is managing the emotions and practical aspects of a healing crisis. If in doubt, text, or message to see if they need something, if they are up to a visit.

       Third: Do not feel any way at all about not hearing about the issue directly from the horse’s mouth. Those are your feelings that you should spend some time with; do not dare dump them on the person in jeopardy with double talk or any “poor me, I did not have any idea you were going through this” messaging. They do not have the energy to console you and do not deserve guilt piled on top of their precarious mountain.

       Fourth: Do not overwhelm the person with help that isn’t helpful. Thinking of setting up a food train where a different person delivers a hot meal to their door every day? Ask if this would be seen as a positive or would it drain their social battery. Think they need someone at their hospital bedside every minute? Ask if they want company, do they have a craving for something that is not on the hospital menu? Food that is immediately identifiable and doesn’t require you read the slip of paper to know what the lukewarm, supposedly edible item is? Bring them food that is not that.

       Lastly: Do send positive energy, healing, prayers if you’ve got them to the person, their family, the doctors, and anyone else who comes to mind. Envision the person healed and whole. Turn thoughts of worry into love… ask for love to envelop them and for the outcome to be in their best and highest good.

Your love is what they need as they traverse this health experience. It truly is that simple.