This morning started out normally enough. I made a cup of matcha green tea with honey and oat milk then sat down to do three morning pages, my usual routine. Sometimes writing is a nonconsequential instant-replay of the previous day’s events; other times thoughts run deep. The best times are those when I am open to guidance from my Higher Self. Today was the latter.
I was thinking about where I am spending my energy. What have I chosen to prioritize? Where have I been spending my precious moments? More importantly, why do I feel like there is something important missing? At that moment, there were no grand revelations spilling out onto the page, only mundane thoughts about my recent life choices.
Sitting, pondering, uninspired, yet feeling the need to write, a message popped up from my friend Cari. We have plans for a writers’ retreat sometime this winter, her note said she found the perfect place, Dakota Dunes Resort in Whitecap, Saskatchewan, a place run by indigenous peoples. I clicked the link and was immediately overcome with a feeling of unsafety, like I should not be considering going there.
What the actual devil was going on inside my head and body?
I have never had a single negative interaction with an indigenous person. Why do I hold irrational fear in my body to travel to this place? It makes absolutely no sense at all. I was mad at myself. I felt ashamed to have this reaction. This is not the person I want to be.
I pushed past these feelings and clicked on the website for this place. I found the following video which was full of information that was new to me.
How could I not know about something this significant in Saskatchewan? This should be big news! Watching the video, feeling the energy of the people involved in this change, I experienced hope, love, and excitement. Now I am left with questions.
If I have no personal trauma with indigenous persons and seeing this triumph fills me with positive emotions; Where did the fear come from? Does it even truly belong to me?
I have been reading about ancient wounds along systemic and historical racism. I have drunk a cup of the ocean of understanding I am lacking; however, I am ready for this journey.
Cheng Tien Pao on inherited prejudice:
Human beings are not blank slate at birth. According to philosophy of Theravada Buddhism, some people are born with good behaviors and attitude regardless of their good or bad environment or good or bad behaviors of their parents. Some people are born with bad behavior and attitude regardless of their good or bad environment or good or bad behaviors of their parents, too.
That does not mean their good or bad behaviors, attitudes are fixed since birth. They can change from good to bad or bad to good during their lifetime. During the growing period from childhood to adulthood, they can become good or bad (especially bad if environment encourages) according to influence of environment (parents, teachers, surrounding people, etc). But it is easier to change from good to bad. It takes more effort to change from bad to good.
Inherited prejudice: where a person picks up the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of those around them, believing them to be fact. We are told terrible things about people, and countries, absorbing information without question, believing tales as facts. Other experts say the body inherits fears with DNA. In hypnosis we see this often as people have irrational fears about water, certain food, heights, or even places they have never been to. The same is true with people of a different skin colour and I experience irrational fear about the original peoples of this land I call home. I am admitting that to myself today, right now, and, with great hesitancy, admitting that to you, dear reader.
So now what? What can I do about this?
I see a whole bunch of learning in my future: reading, watching videos. The Whitecap Dakota Self Government YouTube channel is where I will start. The room at Dakota Dunes Resort is booked in January for the writers’ retreat with my friend and my goal will be to educate myself, beginning the forgiveness work I have learned using Ho’oponopono.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
I take full accountability for the parts I and my ancestors have played in the creation of this prejudice and do the work to clean and clear it until I am neutral, in a state of love instead of fear.
I have been seeking this information for a while, to understand the ways of the indigenous people of Canada. I have work to do to become worthy and open before I can find my place in the healing of this ancient wound.
I am ready to study, learn, and do my part in the healing of this country, whatever that looks like. I will start with me.
This is a very important and brave post, Patricia. We always have reasons for our feelings, it's just that sometimes we are oblivious as to where our feelings originate from. We are not responsible for our feelings, only our actions. And you should be very proud of yourself for taking these positive steps to heal. Bravo!!! 💜