Am I an imposter or simply human?

Listening to Lee Harris and Davor Bozic’s new album Medicine Mantra has brought forward deep thoughts for me, especially the song I Am Free To Be Me.

Who shall I be now that I am choosing to be free? The past couple of years have been spent disconnecting myself from narrow rules for living. Many books, courses, and individuals have provided assistance along the way, helping me heal the ancient wounds and family traditions that hold me back. I learn and then move forward beyond these lessons and teachers to proceed at my own pace, carrying new knowledge and at times leaving the keeper of that wisdom behind. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or life; those who are not lifetime companions know only the version of me dealing with a specific issue at a specific place on my journey.

I have been reticent to share the imperfect parts of me with others, fearful that they will capture that momentary glimpse of me in amber, not allowing me to move forward from the label attached to that moment in their mind; imposter syndrome holding me back, fearful they might think less of me.

Emotionally immature people do that often. My confidence intimidates them; when they see a crack in my armor, they grasp on and through me back to the moment of weakness time and time again. “You’re not so perfect! Remember the time when…” Perhaps they believe I think too highly of myself and it is their job to knock me down a peg like my father used to say:

Don’t tell her that! Her head will get too big to fit through the door!

It won’t. I won’t. I was indeed knocked down a few pegs in my early years. I have slowly inched my way back up and have learned to barricade access to the knockers.

I wonder if the wounds we receive in childhood cannot ever completely heal until the ones tugging and bothering at the scars are gone?

Choosing to be free is not a one-time decision. It is a choice made over and over as new experiences arise. New players dressed in the costume of the old, playing the same tiring roles arise and challenge us to see how we will respond. Do we choose to be ourselves, fully, or shrink, allowing others to be comfortable in our presence?

I say it is time to stand tall, shoulders back and be who we came here to be; the world needs us in our full strength; positive, healed, and ready to shine our light into all the places that need healing and change.

We are the ones we have been waiting for. Let’s get this shift happening!