You can take the boy out of the country, but you cannot take the country out of the boy…
Thoughts on Father's Day:
Today is always an interesting day for me. There are so many posts on Facebook and cards in the store touting the wonders of fathers who are always there, always supportive and by all accounts perfect.
I am an honest person, so you won't see anything like that on my page. My dad's love did have conditions. It was not always supportive. He was not always perfect. I will not post lies and feed the myth that perfection in humans is out there somewhere. To me, this feeds into collective misery. I will post the truth.
My dad had a hard life growing up on the farm. His parents were not married happily ever after and my grandma was chased by the ghosts of her home country making her secretive and greedy. She was very tough on her sons, favouring her daughter. This had impacts on my dad and consequently on me as his daughter because he did not know how to say the words "I love you" and therefore I never knew for sure. I felt for most of my formative years that I fell slightly short of meeting his expectations and therefore earning his love. I never felt "good enough".
In his later years, after my mom bravely left a marriage she was not happy in, my dad learned to listen. I remember a conversation Dad and I had in my back yard at the picnic table after Mom left. I told him all the things in my heart that I had never said. I told him that I didn't know for sure if he loved me. I told him that I learned the value of hard work from him and to not give up when things got tough. I also told him that in my own heart I held the value of the simple things, the beauty in the world and the importance of family and knowing love. I told him that if I died tomorrow, it wouldn't matter to me that "stuff" wasn't done but that my kids knew I loved them.
Our relationship changed after that. My Dad would hug me and tell me that he loved me.
My dad was a WONDERFUL Grampa. He treasured his grandkids and spent time with them. He taught them the things he knew and shared his mechanical prowess. He taught them to pour love into old things and make them new again. He made time for them every Sunday and made a lasting impression on all of the boys.
Fate descended upon him quickly one massively snowy day in a car crash. He suffered a massive brain injury. In the hospital, I stayed by his side right until the end. His heart was strong and even after they took him off life support, he carried on. I sang to him "Amazing Grace". I held his hand. I told him that he had done a good job as a dad and a grandpa because he did the best that he knew how to do. I told him I loved him and that it was okay to cross over. His work here was done. I stayed until his heart stopped beating and sent him love.
Not every dad is perfect. Not every dad is a Walton, a Brady or a Father Knows Best kind of dad. My Dad was everything I needed in this lifetime for me to learn the lessons that I needed; to gain the strength and independence I needed to live this lifetime.
I honour my dad today but I will honour him with honesty. Not paint a picture through rose coloured glasses.
Dad and the beloved 1928 Model A Ford that he restored when I was a teen. She is mine now and my sons have taken the time to learn to care for this family treasure.
I have long believed that pennies on the street were signs from Heaven that someone who had passed was watching over me. I attributed the great parking spots and the pennies I would find in them to my maternal grandma. After Dad passed, I began to find nickels, dimes and quarters. I joked that this was Dad, still competitive even in the afterlife showing that he was more generous than Grandma.
One day, I looked up at the sky and I said, Dad if you really want to prove it's you, how's about you send me a toonie? Fast forward to the spring, the day we are headed out to the gravesite in Norquay to lay my dad's ashes to rest. We stop at a gas station at the edge of Regina and as I go to pay my bill, I found a toonie at my feet. Dad saying thank you for taking the time to carry out his wishes to bring his ashes to rest in his home town? My body shivered and I wondered, could it be so?
In the two weeks following, I found a $5 bill lying on the ground, then a $10 on the grass I was mowing. The finale was a $20 that blew across the parking lot in front of me. I looked up and said, okay Dad I believe and thank you.
My dad did do the best that he could. He put a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food on our table. His love language was material things. He learned the words late in life and I will always, always treasure the fact that he learned to tell me he loved me before it was too late.
Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you.
Working on one of his many project cars…